A little bit of This "n" That

Posts tagged ‘Women’

The Big Bad World of Dating : Edition One


So, this was one of the online dating attempts.

He listed himself as 31, loved an adventure , had traveled a lot – looking for a relationship. Also he was pretty attractive . We’ve been talking for nearly two weeks (Apparently in the online dating world that falls into the same way as my gay friends discussing being in relationships – like OMG THAT’S FOREVER), and in that context I’m saying within two hours of chatting online he dropped me his number and we spoke ON THE PHONE EVERYDAY for the past two weeks. He was very smart, witty, and had a slight touch of arrogance of which I am unfortunately partial.  (I possibly think this is where I’m going wrong).

One thing I kind of listened to but never really paid attention about was he constantly talked about his house / houses/ holiday houses ( how many houses do you actually need. Also money talk, discussions of taste in certain things that really only someone yet again with a lot of cash would have and also him telling me he only flies Business Class. I know I said I didn’t pay attention , I did but honestly I wasn’t sure if he was trying to impress me or if this was just part of the arrogance.

I’ve had a friend from overseas staying with me from Monday until Thursday morning so I had put him off catching up – as you know “bros before hoes” and not because I have some serious body disfigurement that I hadn’t told him about. Until yesterday, we had mentioned something about possibly catching up on Thursday – however as no plans were made, I made alternative ones to see one of my closest friends and have baby hang outs, bake cakes and eat pizza. (I can be very normal at times). He then messaged me at 4pm asking what I was doing and if I wanted to go out. I told him that I had made plans already and technically he wasn’t part of those. For which he then messaged another three times trying to work out a way to still catch up. Then called me. I gave in. Keen as mustard he was. And I gave in. Which involved him telling me he would pick me up at 8.45 ,on the dot which I agreed I could do.

Well I could half do – I still ended up looking like I had been dragged through a hedge backwards, however as he had said let’s go to the casino for a few drinks gamble chat etc I was like OK , that’s alright I could be casual about this as I’ve basically spent the equivalent of two working days non-stop chatter with this guy.We got there and immediately went to the sports bar – beer was bought and the cricket was on (I like the cricket by the way, technically this should have gained me a few gold stars yes?) Chat got into different things talking about places to go for dinner food as you do. He then proceeded to tell me he was allergic to peanuts, and celery and carrots, and avocado and crustaceans , the list went on.

(Looking back I wish I had eaten a shit tonne of peanut M&M’s before I went out).

It was my round of drinks (I’m very liberated).
He orders Grey Goose and Redbull. $32 for two drinks.
THIRTY TWO FUCKING DOLLARS AND IT WASN’T EVEN A COCKTAIL.

But I still bought it. Then we decided to go for a gamble – and he walks straight to the posh room in the casino – I looked at him and was like “So how many body parts do I have to sell to gamble in here” he laughed as if I was joking – I was downright serious. I reckon I probably needed to cut off at least a leg including a thigh to get a good throw-down on the tables.We got free booze though. So that’s ok I guess.

After this we went off to get another drink and were having a chat when he started to ask more questions like “How long have you been single” Discussions about how I discovered one time I had been cheated on and that had never happened ever – he looked at me weird and asked if I had ever done that and I said no, why would you. If you‘re unhappy you finish it – you don’t go fishing somewhere else. Again another weird look, you know that kind of weird look when you’re telling them answer and you can see they actually have done that before .

I’m super honest I used to have this funny joke and it was a joke with my ex long term boyfriend (Not the cheater) that was he would ask me a question and I would jokingly say “ Do you want the truth or do you want me to tell you what you want to hear?” I always tell the truth to dudes, what’s the point in lying (Unless it’s about the $300 Shoes of Prey Heels you bought with the joint bank account) or telling them what they want to hear , because that too in itself doesn’t mean a thing if you constantly just tell that person what they want to hear to keep them happy . ( I know full on )

Anyway getting back on track he still remained a little off – but was said let’s go back to the tables and I needed to go to the ATM (I was losing cash like there was no tomorrow with my $5 chips) so he went to the bathroom I went to the ATM, then came back to find him at the chocolate wheel losing.

As we went to walk off from there I asked – “Ok ,where are we going now”
His reply “ Home”
At 10.30.
I came out on a Thursday night for a whole hour and a fucking half.
I said “Well that’s a bit ridiculous, an hour and a half, but fine.”
Then he replies “Actually No, I’m not going home I’m going to stay. You have to go”
Right.
Then he says “To be honest with you, I actually don’t see this ever going anywhere, so I’m going to stay here “
I looked at him “Actually I think you are right, I’m getting a cab”
And I left.

An hour after getting home I get a text.
“Life is good Michelle. You remember that ;)”

HE PUT A WINKY FACE.

Not a “Did you get home OK ? Or did the cab driver drop you in a gutter?”
I forgot to mention he dropped into conversation half way through the date he had been a Young Liberal and voted for Abbott.
See I should have learnt and been the person to leave at that point.
He shall now be named “Casino Wanker”

New Years Resolutions Schmezolutions ..


1. Lose Weight

2. Stop Smoking

3. Stop Drinking

4.  Become Financially stable

5. Stay away from undesirable male persons.

The List  could go on.  Also ignore the above list. I am.

Also before you continue and correct my disrespect for the English Language I know I made up Schmezolutions , Im hoping it catches on for Twenty One Two (HOW SICK OF THAT ARE YOU ALREADY FOR GODS SAKE!) .

So many people see the New Year as a time to wipe the slate clean, have a fresh start, Buck up their ideas and get their shit together, I think its grand they do that each to their own . But I refuse to.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not raining on your parade if you’re one of the New Year’s Resolution Hoarders, But how often do we make these resolutions and then never follow through.

I’ve seen it.

I’ve seen the unused hired out Gym Equipment in apartments that not even a fucking Gerbil should be living in, let alone a couple who feel the need to consume cardboard flavoured cereal with a side of stomach bacteria accomapanied by a decafe weak soy latte with a splash of wheat grass. These remain untouched and in reality only make for the creation of amusing Youtube clips of the cat  running on it at full speed.

I’ve also seen the now “Non-Smokers” sneak around the corner and say ” Go on don’t tell anyone” then expect you the person who made the RIGHT decision (Even if it was for the sanity of others around you)  to ‘Bum’ them a cigarette.

ALCOHOL. WINE. BEER. VODKA. SCOTCH and GIN, To name a few. The Devil in Disguise is always going to get you. Especially if your one of “those” people who go out for  a ‘Quiet’ drink and the next day find some hairy backed mammoth in your bed, bruises in unexplainable  regions on your person and a pool of what can only be described as LAST NIGHTS KEBAB or something similar on your bathroom floor. Maybe quitting isn’t for you, how about trying out the term Moderation before you practise the art of Quitting.

Saving money is a serious Art form . I am incapable of doing this. If you can do this I applaud you. If you are male and can do this , I double applaud you.  I also want your phone number ……

Last Point MALE DOUCHEBAGS . There are so many to choose from, I’ve been there and done that as you are all well aware and so many of my Girlfriends have, along with the Blokes who go out with the Female equivalant.

It’s always going to happen. You can’t make a resolution to avoid  rubbish members of the opposite sex.

You have to kiss a lot of Frogs to find a prince.

So there will be no New Year Resolutions from me this year.

Just More Blogging.

Mr Just About Right…


So I met this Boy a while back … He’s Attractive, Smart, Endearing and Just about all those other qualities that you could pick in a guy if you had the choice.
He could be Mr Right.

But he’s not.

He’s Mr Just About Right.

He was here and now he’s not. That what makes him Mr Just About Right.

Seriously Distance is a Fucker. Distance in Australia is a total Fucker.
Also I know he will read this as he kind of fumbled and found my blog then queried as to why he isn’t in it.
Just a little bit awkward turtle.

Ok Thats enough for today …

The Singleton


This time last year I was in a Relationship.

Six months later I was turning Thirty thinking my world was ending and I was single.
Another six months on I’m still single, with a few hiccups in between (Actually they may have been bordeline of burps) BUT its ok.

The thing that isn’t ok is that the rest of my single friends seem to be dropping like flies.
Seriously, someone got a human version of Mortein (otherwise known as MAN) sprayed it around a bit and whacked a few of the coolest single chick friends I have smack bang around the head.

I may have been a contributing factor – Yes, if you have single chick friends you also have single bloke friends and inevitably they will meet each other and they will end up seeing each other.
But suddenly you end up having them grouped into the same classification as the other friends who are in relationships or are married or have kids. You end up only seeing them when they are together, this limits the conversations that you would normally have and also limits what you used to do.
No more hanging out down the pub checking out that cute dude’s butt when he walks past or having a good wingwoman to deal with “The Friend” whilst you talk to the one that is actually interesting. A Girl’s night becomes overshadowed with text messages and phonecalls to the significant other and the 4am’ers turn into “Shit its Twelve O’clock, I need to go home”.

Dont get me wrong, Im extremely happy for these ladies – more so for the fact that they deserve the happiness because of the shit they’ve been put through from previous dickheads who cant even be put into the classification of “Being a Man”.

But I go through a spate in time when I miss that. When I moved back from the UK, I had to rebuild my life get to know people again and start anew, those people then continued with the circle of life got married and started breeding, so I had to find more people to hang with, now that circle is beginning again and Im onto my third cycle.

Im trying to work out if its because Im super picky (Which to be honest, from recent experiences I really have dropped my game) or demand too much.
I like to think Im a pretty good catch, I can cook, clean, I like to watch a good game of Rugby, AFL and Football ( Soccer to those of you who are sport inept), I can handle a drink or two, Im well travelled, I have a rather ace job and the best bit …. Im a good spooner.

Then again I think I may just be having too much of a good time and the possibility of falling into that circle hasn’t been able to interject itself into my daily planner.

I know good things come to those who wait, for the meantime I’ll wait for it to come to me whilst I sip my red wine, don my Uggs and convert my verbal diarrhoea to this blog.

Office Conversations


Work Colleague 1 : “Oh, I have lots of Male friends who I go out with”

Work Colleague 2: “Oh yeah, my girlfriend does as well, but she doesn’t really ever go out with them”

Me : “I have quite a few male friends, but I dont really go out with them anymore.”

Work Colleague 1 : ” Why’s that?”

Me : ” Because their wives don’t like me.”

Letting Things Go..


The past few months have required some serious thinking.

All on different levels.

Procrastination is one of my worst downfalls along with the inability to say “No”. In the past two months I have had to try to be proactive and let a few things go. It has been hard…. and somewhat heartbreaking in cases.

I can be a very volatile and highly emotive individual in set circumstances and my life recently has been filled with so many  of these that it has been a bit of a rollercoaster.

Unbeknownst to some of you  I ended up spending quite a lot of the past few weeks with “He who shall not be named” – It gave me familiarity, I felt comfortable and life was simple. Also in this timeframe he told me he was leaving, going back to England – which wasn’t really a choice, more of a situation of circumstance where his second year visa  had days before it expired and he could no longer stay. My experiences with him last year and even so more recently had actually made me a stronger person  and I reconciled with the fact that i would not become so emotionally involved this time around  and also that I would be calling the shots.

He at least owed me that much.

I cried. I may have even cried more than I thought I would. I put on a false persona to those around me and made out that I was a strong individual – I was borderline of being a Chuck Norris in training  – Well, that’s what they thought.

I think I cried more at the idea of not having that familiarity there anymore rather than for him. I know my tears last time round were more for the person and the relationship that we had. This time it was just for me. I got the closure I so very well deserved and needed.

I’m now letting go. And moving on.

If I don’t then the only person who will ever be able to have a piece of my heart is myself, and last time I checked I wasnt that selfish.

Girl Conversations 2


Elizabeth Taylor died yesterday.

I had two friends over last night  over for wine when we found out, the conversation went like this :

Me: “OH Elizabeth Taylor Died”

Friend 1 :  “Oh really? At least she will be with Michael Jackson now.”

Friend 1: “Talking about dead people, Isn’t Zsa Zsa Gabor dead too? “

Me : “No, She’s alive and …… well not kicking as she only has one leg”.