1. Lose Weight
2. Stop Smoking
3. Stop Drinking
4. Become Financially stable
5. Stay away from undesirable male persons.
The List could go on. Also ignore the above list. I am.
Also before you continue and correct my disrespect for the English Language I know I made up Schmezolutions , Im hoping it catches on for Twenty One Two (HOW SICK OF THAT ARE YOU ALREADY FOR GODS SAKE!) .
So many people see the New Year as a time to wipe the slate clean, have a fresh start, Buck up their ideas and get their shit together, I think its grand they do that each to their own . But I refuse to.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not raining on your parade if you’re one of the New Year’s Resolution Hoarders, But how often do we make these resolutions and then never follow through.
I’ve seen it.
I’ve seen the unused hired out Gym Equipment in apartments that not even a fucking Gerbil should be living in, let alone a couple who feel the need to consume cardboard flavoured cereal with a side of stomach bacteria accomapanied by a decafe weak soy latte with a splash of wheat grass. These remain untouched and in reality only make for the creation of amusing Youtube clips of the cat running on it at full speed.
I’ve also seen the now “Non-Smokers” sneak around the corner and say ” Go on don’t tell anyone” then expect you the person who made the RIGHT decision (Even if it was for the sanity of others around you) to ‘Bum’ them a cigarette.
ALCOHOL. WINE. BEER. VODKA. SCOTCH and GIN, To name a few. The Devil in Disguise is always going to get you. Especially if your one of “those” people who go out for a ‘Quiet’ drink and the next day find some hairy backed mammoth in your bed, bruises in unexplainable regions on your person and a pool of what can only be described as LAST NIGHTS KEBAB or something similar on your bathroom floor. Maybe quitting isn’t for you, how about trying out the term Moderation before you practise the art of Quitting.
Saving money is a serious Art form . I am incapable of doing this. If you can do this I applaud you. If you are male and can do this , I double applaud you. I also want your phone number ……
Last Point MALE DOUCHEBAGS . There are so many to choose from, I’ve been there and done that as you are all well aware and so many of my Girlfriends have, along with the Blokes who go out with the Female equivalant.
It’s always going to happen. You can’t make a resolution to avoid rubbish members of the opposite sex.
You have to kiss a lot of Frogs to find a prince.
So there will be no New Year Resolutions from me this year.
Just More Blogging.