A little bit of This "n" That

Posts tagged ‘relationships’

The Big Bad World of Dating : Edition One


So, this was one of the online dating attempts.

He listed himself as 31, loved an adventure , had traveled a lot – looking for a relationship. Also he was pretty attractive . We’ve been talking for nearly two weeks (Apparently in the online dating world that falls into the same way as my gay friends discussing being in relationships – like OMG THAT’S FOREVER), and in that context I’m saying within two hours of chatting online he dropped me his number and we spoke ON THE PHONE EVERYDAY for the past two weeks. He was very smart, witty, and had a slight touch of arrogance of which I am unfortunately partial.  (I possibly think this is where I’m going wrong).

One thing I kind of listened to but never really paid attention about was he constantly talked about his house / houses/ holiday houses ( how many houses do you actually need. Also money talk, discussions of taste in certain things that really only someone yet again with a lot of cash would have and also him telling me he only flies Business Class. I know I said I didn’t pay attention , I did but honestly I wasn’t sure if he was trying to impress me or if this was just part of the arrogance.

I’ve had a friend from overseas staying with me from Monday until Thursday morning so I had put him off catching up – as you know “bros before hoes” and not because I have some serious body disfigurement that I hadn’t told him about. Until yesterday, we had mentioned something about possibly catching up on Thursday – however as no plans were made, I made alternative ones to see one of my closest friends and have baby hang outs, bake cakes and eat pizza. (I can be very normal at times). He then messaged me at 4pm asking what I was doing and if I wanted to go out. I told him that I had made plans already and technically he wasn’t part of those. For which he then messaged another three times trying to work out a way to still catch up. Then called me. I gave in. Keen as mustard he was. And I gave in. Which involved him telling me he would pick me up at 8.45 ,on the dot which I agreed I could do.

Well I could half do – I still ended up looking like I had been dragged through a hedge backwards, however as he had said let’s go to the casino for a few drinks gamble chat etc I was like OK , that’s alright I could be casual about this as I’ve basically spent the equivalent of two working days non-stop chatter with this guy.We got there and immediately went to the sports bar – beer was bought and the cricket was on (I like the cricket by the way, technically this should have gained me a few gold stars yes?) Chat got into different things talking about places to go for dinner food as you do. He then proceeded to tell me he was allergic to peanuts, and celery and carrots, and avocado and crustaceans , the list went on.

(Looking back I wish I had eaten a shit tonne of peanut M&M’s before I went out).

It was my round of drinks (I’m very liberated).
He orders Grey Goose and Redbull. $32 for two drinks.
THIRTY TWO FUCKING DOLLARS AND IT WASN’T EVEN A COCKTAIL.

But I still bought it. Then we decided to go for a gamble – and he walks straight to the posh room in the casino – I looked at him and was like “So how many body parts do I have to sell to gamble in here” he laughed as if I was joking – I was downright serious. I reckon I probably needed to cut off at least a leg including a thigh to get a good throw-down on the tables.We got free booze though. So that’s ok I guess.

After this we went off to get another drink and were having a chat when he started to ask more questions like “How long have you been single” Discussions about how I discovered one time I had been cheated on and that had never happened ever – he looked at me weird and asked if I had ever done that and I said no, why would you. If you‘re unhappy you finish it – you don’t go fishing somewhere else. Again another weird look, you know that kind of weird look when you’re telling them answer and you can see they actually have done that before .

I’m super honest I used to have this funny joke and it was a joke with my ex long term boyfriend (Not the cheater) that was he would ask me a question and I would jokingly say “ Do you want the truth or do you want me to tell you what you want to hear?” I always tell the truth to dudes, what’s the point in lying (Unless it’s about the $300 Shoes of Prey Heels you bought with the joint bank account) or telling them what they want to hear , because that too in itself doesn’t mean a thing if you constantly just tell that person what they want to hear to keep them happy . ( I know full on )

Anyway getting back on track he still remained a little off – but was said let’s go back to the tables and I needed to go to the ATM (I was losing cash like there was no tomorrow with my $5 chips) so he went to the bathroom I went to the ATM, then came back to find him at the chocolate wheel losing.

As we went to walk off from there I asked – “Ok ,where are we going now”
His reply “ Home”
At 10.30.
I came out on a Thursday night for a whole hour and a fucking half.
I said “Well that’s a bit ridiculous, an hour and a half, but fine.”
Then he replies “Actually No, I’m not going home I’m going to stay. You have to go”
Right.
Then he says “To be honest with you, I actually don’t see this ever going anywhere, so I’m going to stay here “
I looked at him “Actually I think you are right, I’m getting a cab”
And I left.

An hour after getting home I get a text.
“Life is good Michelle. You remember that ;)”

HE PUT A WINKY FACE.

Not a “Did you get home OK ? Or did the cab driver drop you in a gutter?”
I forgot to mention he dropped into conversation half way through the date he had been a Young Liberal and voted for Abbott.
See I should have learnt and been the person to leave at that point.
He shall now be named “Casino Wanker”

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Body Clock’s a Ticking …


I talk to my Mum every day, when I can. If I miss a day then we end up just having a longer conversation next time.  This week we chatted about our weekends, who we saw and what we did. Pretty standard really.

Once I had hung up the phone, I thought more deeply about the conversation I’d just had with her. My Mum had spent her weekend visiting friends who all have kids around my age.

Who all have their own kids.

The emphasis on other people’s children seemed to be the spotlight in the conversation, along with her telling me that another one of the girls is also looking at trying for a baby. Then the conversation extended to their fertility and how there was a clock ticking for this couple.

The pressure to get married and have children is ongoing.  You constantly feel that you need an answer to all questions about your personal life choices.  The buck doesn’t stop with family and friends either. Recently it has extended to advertisers pitching consumer based products and guilt shaming women about their own personal body clocks. That the choices we didn’t make in our 20’s are now reflective of us being old wrinklies staving the growth of the world population. Along with articles that preach out about women choosing not to go down these paths because their careers are more important.

A general  “I don’t want to have children” Or “I don’t want to get married” still doesn’t suffice to those who can’t seem to keep their noses out of other people’s business. These people are the ones ask you,  “But why don’t you want to get married?” “Why don’t you want to have children?”.  Anyone would think you’ve just bitten the head off a live chicken in front of them by the reaction then received.

Before asking these questions, one good option is to think before opening your mouth. What’s to say that the person you are having the discussion with hasn’t had a termination due to extenuating circumstances, or if in a couple they aren’t financially in a situation that they can foresee making these decisions , or infertility is a key part in why this doesn’t happen. That the response they have just given you is an easier answer than the potentially convoluted option, which would only result in making the  person asking the question feel ridiculously uncomfortable.

Recently while out with two girlfriends they began talking about babies. One has been married for just over 18 months and is currently trying to have children, and the other is in her second trimester of pregnancy.

They told me, “ You would make an amazing mother.” Very flattered that I clearly ooze responsibility and a maternal nature. I just smiled. Then out of nowhere my pregnant friend said, “What about your Mum?”

“What about my mum ?”  Is it part of our life journey to have babies to ensure our own parents fulfillment at becoming grandparents is achieved?

I for one wouldn’t get knocked up just so my parents could have a new plaything.

When did these answers become something that we need to justify to others?

To make matters worse, my life choices now also need to be backed up by my parents.

I feel for my mum, being one of the only ones among her circle of friends to have two single daughters in their thirties, both unmarried and childless. I know that she would make an outstanding Grandmother and at times I believe she would even be happy if either of us at this stage just came out and said that we were expecting.

But the thing I love most about my mum is that she wants us to be happy more than anything in the world and her acceptance of our lifestyle choices is what makes her a great woman.

 

The Guyaitus


Yes well.                                                                                                                                                                                hiatus

Here we go. A Guyaitus is a made up term that my lovely friend the wrybride came up with after we chatted about the fact I have decided to go on a Man Hiatus.

Actually my best friend and I have decided to go on this Man Hiatus together. No, this does not mean we are going to turn suddenly into lesbian lovers (Even though this was a question asked a few Friday Nights back whilst we were out followed closely by “If you end up scissoring can we watch? ” ).

Please be reminded before you start to add some witty comment and call me a “Man Hater,” I in actual fact do not hate men in the slightest.  I just need a break from the bullshit.

The “Guyaitus” has resulted to recently poor choices within the males species department that we both seem to continually make.

It’s not a one off, seriously IT’S THE SAME THING EVERYTIME.

EVERYTIME.

Douchecanoes in disguise as Prince Charmings.

The last one oozed the charm, I’m talking it fell out of him quicker than a mudslide in India, and more fool me I believed every single word of it. That player basically won the gold prize in playing and I the gold in “Most gullible idiot in the world”.

No call. No Text . No Nothing.  Absolutely nothing.  I’m guessing  he got the milk for free and decided it was too much hassle to hang on to the cow.

I admit I’m definitely not perfect, actually I can be a right bitch, but that’s a rarity. At least if I decide I don’t want to see you anymore I have the common courtesy to do it to your face in a public place . The reactions are always a surprise though the last one consisted of this:

Me: “So I can’t do this anymore”

Him: “ What, Stay out ? Do you want to go home?”

Me: “No. This, Us, whatever this is I can’t do this, I’ve had enough” .

Fair enough, Yes ?  Apparently not.

When questioned about what I was then off to do for the rest of the night I replied I wasn’t sure….

His reply “ Well, I’m going to sink a few more scotches and now that I’m out I may as well pick up”

Classy.

Who the fuck says that.  Boys. That’s who says that. Defensive boys who can’t handle the way of the grown ups.

You are probably thinking that my “Guyaitus” is based currently upon these two things, when in actual fact this has been an ongoing thing for around the past 18 months.

It’s actually trying and a little self destroying at times to think that the only men you find yourself with an interest in are the rather good looking ones who happened to have not received a self conscious when they were dropped upon the earth and their brains were wrongly inserted into the end of their dicks.

So for now the Guyaitus continues, until the option of not settling fades and the knight in shining armour rocks up.

Mr Just About Right…


So I met this Boy a while back … He’s Attractive, Smart, Endearing and Just about all those other qualities that you could pick in a guy if you had the choice.
He could be Mr Right.

But he’s not.

He’s Mr Just About Right.

He was here and now he’s not. That what makes him Mr Just About Right.

Seriously Distance is a Fucker. Distance in Australia is a total Fucker.
Also I know he will read this as he kind of fumbled and found my blog then queried as to why he isn’t in it.
Just a little bit awkward turtle.

Ok Thats enough for today …

The Singleton


This time last year I was in a Relationship.

Six months later I was turning Thirty thinking my world was ending and I was single.
Another six months on I’m still single, with a few hiccups in between (Actually they may have been bordeline of burps) BUT its ok.

The thing that isn’t ok is that the rest of my single friends seem to be dropping like flies.
Seriously, someone got a human version of Mortein (otherwise known as MAN) sprayed it around a bit and whacked a few of the coolest single chick friends I have smack bang around the head.

I may have been a contributing factor – Yes, if you have single chick friends you also have single bloke friends and inevitably they will meet each other and they will end up seeing each other.
But suddenly you end up having them grouped into the same classification as the other friends who are in relationships or are married or have kids. You end up only seeing them when they are together, this limits the conversations that you would normally have and also limits what you used to do.
No more hanging out down the pub checking out that cute dude’s butt when he walks past or having a good wingwoman to deal with “The Friend” whilst you talk to the one that is actually interesting. A Girl’s night becomes overshadowed with text messages and phonecalls to the significant other and the 4am’ers turn into “Shit its Twelve O’clock, I need to go home”.

Dont get me wrong, Im extremely happy for these ladies – more so for the fact that they deserve the happiness because of the shit they’ve been put through from previous dickheads who cant even be put into the classification of “Being a Man”.

But I go through a spate in time when I miss that. When I moved back from the UK, I had to rebuild my life get to know people again and start anew, those people then continued with the circle of life got married and started breeding, so I had to find more people to hang with, now that circle is beginning again and Im onto my third cycle.

Im trying to work out if its because Im super picky (Which to be honest, from recent experiences I really have dropped my game) or demand too much.
I like to think Im a pretty good catch, I can cook, clean, I like to watch a good game of Rugby, AFL and Football ( Soccer to those of you who are sport inept), I can handle a drink or two, Im well travelled, I have a rather ace job and the best bit …. Im a good spooner.

Then again I think I may just be having too much of a good time and the possibility of falling into that circle hasn’t been able to interject itself into my daily planner.

I know good things come to those who wait, for the meantime I’ll wait for it to come to me whilst I sip my red wine, don my Uggs and convert my verbal diarrhoea to this blog.

Letting Things Go..


The past few months have required some serious thinking.

All on different levels.

Procrastination is one of my worst downfalls along with the inability to say “No”. In the past two months I have had to try to be proactive and let a few things go. It has been hard…. and somewhat heartbreaking in cases.

I can be a very volatile and highly emotive individual in set circumstances and my life recently has been filled with so many  of these that it has been a bit of a rollercoaster.

Unbeknownst to some of you  I ended up spending quite a lot of the past few weeks with “He who shall not be named” – It gave me familiarity, I felt comfortable and life was simple. Also in this timeframe he told me he was leaving, going back to England – which wasn’t really a choice, more of a situation of circumstance where his second year visa  had days before it expired and he could no longer stay. My experiences with him last year and even so more recently had actually made me a stronger person  and I reconciled with the fact that i would not become so emotionally involved this time around  and also that I would be calling the shots.

He at least owed me that much.

I cried. I may have even cried more than I thought I would. I put on a false persona to those around me and made out that I was a strong individual – I was borderline of being a Chuck Norris in training  – Well, that’s what they thought.

I think I cried more at the idea of not having that familiarity there anymore rather than for him. I know my tears last time round were more for the person and the relationship that we had. This time it was just for me. I got the closure I so very well deserved and needed.

I’m now letting go. And moving on.

If I don’t then the only person who will ever be able to have a piece of my heart is myself, and last time I checked I wasnt that selfish.

A Glass Case of Emotion.


 

  

This past week I have found myself at   a point where I honestly do believe my head is about to explode.

The term “Mind-Fucking” should not be allowed in real life. It should be left back in the conversations that P-Diddy and Jonah Hill have in “Get Him to The Greek”.

 I don’t like how for some reason our relationships of the past seem to rear their nasty little heads up just when you think everything is going so well in your life . (Well, I may be slightly deluded here thinking everything is going well, but it’s the reassurance I have combined with my love of wine and cigarettes).

 Saturday Night I found myself confronted with “He who shall not be named”. I was totally unprepared, even though if I do say so myself I was looking a million bucks. ( I think the term we are looking for here was I had a little bit of RAWRRRRR! going on.)

His reaction to seeing me was an attempt to run away from what clearly was not going to be a pleasant discussion. I walked away and then decided that I had every right to stand up to him and give him a piece of my mind.

I marched right over there as quickly as my 5 inch Electric Blue Robert Roberts could take me.

 A piece of my mind at 8.15pm in the middle of a packed pub, involved me cursing at him telling him how much of a coward he was and why on earth had he not yet been deported. I honestly did not realise how possible it was for me to be so horrifically angry and nasty all in one go.

After this and me still having a bit of a psycho fit, the conversation turned into an adult conversation of two grown-ups trying to understand exactly what went wrong, and the backlash response of me launching a traumatic A-bomb of information on the man that reduced him into a blubbering crying mess.

At the time I was proud of my moment as I clearly wanted him to feel all the pain that he had made me feel, and then I realised it made me just as bad as him.

 After telling friends what happened, they didn’t really agree and the conclusion that they came to was “He deserved it”.

 The lack of communication when the break up occurred was the instigator for my mood along with the fact that he had disappeared to find himself , surely running away to another country isn’t going to solve your problems, and coming back to the country where you created the problems DEFINITELY isn’t going to solve anything.

 Seriously, Dude,  Australia is a big place – Don’t shit on your own doorstep and then rock back up to the same bloody city thinking that you will never have to deal with the crap that you created.

 All the apologies and crying and whatever else he wanted to give to me as an excuse on Saturday basically have made my brain go into melt down mode. The Glass Case of Emotion overtook me for the weekend and also over the past few days. The anxiety has been a little too much to deal with, but I’m having to build the bridge and get over it.

 Understand this though, I wont be taking him back, I just wanted him to hurt as much as what I did.

 I accomplished this.

 It doesn’t make me a bad person. In fact I did what most people wish they had done and never had the opportunity to do so.