A little bit of This "n" That

Archive for the ‘Serious’ Category

#Calloutaperve


There are a lot of things I’m pretty fed up with lately, I’m sure I could run a huge list and many of you would probably agree. However, the worst of the lot is the self-entitlement I have recently come across from men who appear to think it’s O.K to grope a woman in a public space.

This happened to me numerous times in two different venues, just this weekend alone. Before you question what I was wearing I suggest you take a minute to think about that and then keep your mouth firmly shut. What a woman wears doesn’t act as an open invitation for anyone to think they have the right to touch someone else. (I actually can’t believe I had to write this here, but y’know there are some people, who just won’t get it.)

Yes, I was drinking which is normally what a majority of the population do when they go out to a bar on a weekend.  Yes, they were alcoholic beverages because I do like to have a drink. Not that it should make a difference anyway.

Too many men get away with a brush of a boob, a slap on the ass, or even a hefty handed grope. This is not attractive, it’s not flattering it’s downright disrespectful, patronizing and shameful behavior. I’m trying to work out what goes through these clowns heads to think this is even remotely acceptable. As a society we still have not progressed any further from this caveman attitude of “A woman belongs to a man, so therefore I can grab you and suddenly you will become mine.” We cannot blame this on booze either, the men that do believe this is acceptable behavior already have this ridiculous preconception set well within their ideals and unfortunately these are the very same men we will never be able to change.

For me however, I’ve had enough. I should not have to stand and lie that I’m in a relationship to have a man leave me alone, to fend off unwanted attention. I should not have to walk away and just laugh it off because you think it’s all a bit of fun and a joke. I will and I did humiliate these men and do it loud enough for anyone and everyone within the nearby vicinity where the assault, yes it is assault – you touch me without my consent can hear what is happening. I will call your sleazy, good for nothing ass out on it, and make an example of you.

Perhaps we should use the #Spellcheckaracist hashtag as an example and implement our own instead along the lines of #Calloutaperve

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Body Clock’s a Ticking …


I talk to my Mum every day, when I can. If I miss a day then we end up just having a longer conversation next time.  This week we chatted about our weekends, who we saw and what we did. Pretty standard really.

Once I had hung up the phone, I thought more deeply about the conversation I’d just had with her. My Mum had spent her weekend visiting friends who all have kids around my age.

Who all have their own kids.

The emphasis on other people’s children seemed to be the spotlight in the conversation, along with her telling me that another one of the girls is also looking at trying for a baby. Then the conversation extended to their fertility and how there was a clock ticking for this couple.

The pressure to get married and have children is ongoing.  You constantly feel that you need an answer to all questions about your personal life choices.  The buck doesn’t stop with family and friends either. Recently it has extended to advertisers pitching consumer based products and guilt shaming women about their own personal body clocks. That the choices we didn’t make in our 20’s are now reflective of us being old wrinklies staving the growth of the world population. Along with articles that preach out about women choosing not to go down these paths because their careers are more important.

A general  “I don’t want to have children” Or “I don’t want to get married” still doesn’t suffice to those who can’t seem to keep their noses out of other people’s business. These people are the ones ask you,  “But why don’t you want to get married?” “Why don’t you want to have children?”.  Anyone would think you’ve just bitten the head off a live chicken in front of them by the reaction then received.

Before asking these questions, one good option is to think before opening your mouth. What’s to say that the person you are having the discussion with hasn’t had a termination due to extenuating circumstances, or if in a couple they aren’t financially in a situation that they can foresee making these decisions , or infertility is a key part in why this doesn’t happen. That the response they have just given you is an easier answer than the potentially convoluted option, which would only result in making the  person asking the question feel ridiculously uncomfortable.

Recently while out with two girlfriends they began talking about babies. One has been married for just over 18 months and is currently trying to have children, and the other is in her second trimester of pregnancy.

They told me, “ You would make an amazing mother.” Very flattered that I clearly ooze responsibility and a maternal nature. I just smiled. Then out of nowhere my pregnant friend said, “What about your Mum?”

“What about my mum ?”  Is it part of our life journey to have babies to ensure our own parents fulfillment at becoming grandparents is achieved?

I for one wouldn’t get knocked up just so my parents could have a new plaything.

When did these answers become something that we need to justify to others?

To make matters worse, my life choices now also need to be backed up by my parents.

I feel for my mum, being one of the only ones among her circle of friends to have two single daughters in their thirties, both unmarried and childless. I know that she would make an outstanding Grandmother and at times I believe she would even be happy if either of us at this stage just came out and said that we were expecting.

But the thing I love most about my mum is that she wants us to be happy more than anything in the world and her acceptance of our lifestyle choices is what makes her a great woman.

 

A Nasty Affair.


I’m strong, confident , 31, single and I live alone.

I frequently go out socially into nightspots such as Northbridge, Mount Lawley , Leederville,  Subiaco and more.

I regularly catch cabs on my own, go out running through my neighbourhood which is extremely well lit on my own, and have been known to walk home from some nightspots on my own.

I’m always vigilant of my surroundings and constantly let my friends and people I know where I am headed. I never leave a night out without telling those around me that I’m going home.  I also let them know once I’ve gotten home that I’m there safely.

As a single woman, I am constantly preached to about security and safety. I’m not stupid and I’m aware of what can happen. The situation over the weekend involving the disappearance of Jill Meagher is a grim but also real event. This happens not only to well-known journalists, but also to everyday women.

No matter what you do you will, and I am being honestly frank about this always find in every city there is a display of potential threat to the wellbeing and safety of all women no matter how many precautions you take. You cannot say that one city is safer than the other,  the threat is always in our midst.

You may think I’m rambling a little and want me to get to the point. To get to that point I have to tell you  about what happened to me this weekend just passed.

I have lived in my current ground floor apartment for Four and a Half years.  Apart from the occasional meth head doing a bit of a wander by, which is always to be expected  when you choose to do the whole “Inner City Living” I have never felt unsafe or at risk in my own home. This changed on Saturday Night.

After catching up with friends, I made my way home early (8.30 to be precise) and decided a night in was required. I had a cigarette outside, came back in, closed my glass sliding door popped the lock , put my pyjamas on and wrapped myself in my duvet on my sofa. The inside light was on and I absent-mindly forget to pull my blinds down. I fell asleep.

At 12.30 I woke up, for no reason whatsoever and  just looked up to the back door. I thought I was having a nightmare. A man stood within a foot of the door, completely naked. Wearing some form of mask with only his eyes exposed and a Kangol Flat cap, he was furiously masturbating.  I was petrified.

I couldn’t scream, I tried to shout telling him I was going to call the Police. He spoke back “ I’ve been here for half an hour already, what’s the point. I’m going to get you”. He continued to keep going with his act whilst I tried to close the blind, grab my phone and lock myself in my bedroom.

I have no idea where he went. To get to my garden this lunatic had to find exactly where to go through a large car park and walk past SIX other ground floor apartments before getting to mine.

You may laugh and think, “Oh yeah, some crazy getting his kicks on by exposing himself Blah Blah Blah etc” . But he had locked his eyes with mine and threatened me, for all I knew he hadn’t run off but could have been hiding anywhere in the complex. Even worse, he could live there. I don’t know. There are 40 Apartments.

The police attended the scene and a report was made, I was questioned as to whether the individual appeared to be armed . I found it very specific and after asking more questions I then found out this was not the only time this had happened. In the past MONTH there had been several incidents reported, and the discussion was had that there may have been ones that weren’t reported.

I have seen nothing in the local press about any such incidents. Nothing has been issued out to any Media Outlets that I know about the incident on the weekend. I was told that this was being treated very seriously, because of the nature of the act along with the threat. The responsibility here should be that the Police Force should be creating an awareness within the community about this especially where a large population of  single women  live.

How do I have faith that this individual will be caught?

I don’t .

Also I now do not want to go out in the dark on my own anywhere, not even to take the rubbish out to the bins. Which is goddam ridiculous and nobody , whether you are male or female should have to continually question how safe it is do go about your normal daily routine.

This includes catching up with friends down the pub, at their houses  and so forth. I understand Jill Meagher’s intention of walking home was that she did it all the time and the route was known to her. That doesn’t mean it stops the stranger invading your route or following you home.

I’m not here to lecture anyone. I hate to think what could have happened if my door wasn’t locked, But it didn’t. These things happen. My confidence has been knocked and  I’m scared, BUT I will move forward and try to not let it eat me inside. I would make the worst recluse.

Do me a favour guys and girls, when your friends ask to walk you home say “Yes”, or share that cab.

Being vigilant doesn’t mean you have to change your lifestyle.

 

* For those of you that live in the West Perth / Leederville / North Perth  area or have friends please warn them.

Description* 5’10 Caucasian Male, Blue Eyes, Stocky / Medium Build – Slightly Hairy . No Identifying Tattoos. Could be bald Unsure due to him wearing a hat. Police have said that he may have stashed a backpack containing  Screwdriver / Flashlight, Tape  and his clothes somewhere nearby. If you hear or see this man Please contact the Police immediately.

I’m Ok Now ….


In Australia, Today is “R U OK” Day.

The idea behind it is to ask your friends family and those that you show concern for if they really “Are OK” and to prevent the onset of suicide when people havent the ability to reach out and ask for help.

I personally have never been in a situation where the thought of taking my own life has been the only answer to solve the demons that I’ve had. I’ve also had the benefit of my friends and family seeing that I haven’t been myself and have given me the support to see a professional which meant that the Depression and Anxiety that I was diagnosed with last year had a chance to be treated, But just because you are being treated or have had that help it still doesn’t make it disappear completely.

Suicide has occurred four times in my family where my relatives were struck down so badly with their mental health problems they couldn’t see any other way out and were unable to seek help, which is heartbreaking. Suicide is a selfish way to end your life, leaving behind those who are racked with guilt over what should have been and what might have been if they had known the signs.

“R U Ok” Day brings the topic to the forefront of discussion and creates an awareness that for one day of the year opens up our hearts and minds to the behaviorism of those around us.

Remember though, people experiencing these dark thoughts and hard times don’t just experience them on one day of the year. They battle with Mental Health everyday and constantly need to be asked if they are ok. Sometimes they may say “I am OK”, but at other times the answer they give you may be “No, I’m not.” Make sure by asking that you are willing to take on that answer and give the support that you have offered by mentioning those three words.

Just because a person appears to be a ray of light, it may also mean they might be hiding behind the dark.

Stop The Bullies


Saturday Night I came home after spending the evening with one of my very good friends to see on Twitter that a fellow blogger had posted a  heart wrenching article about Bullying.

I read it and wept at the hardship and trauma that ensued this poor boy through his childhood and the after effects it had upon him when he became a grown man.

Under no circumstances whatsoever is bullying ever acceptable. many of us have experienced it at some point in our lives whether it be  at school, at home, in the workplace or in everyday situations. We need to do everything in our power to  point out that NOBODY deserves to be treated in this fashion.

Below is the Link for the article I’m talking about, I implore you to read it, comment on it and continue to follow  the future writings of Seb Sharp.

http://www.projectseb.com/?p=98

Remember whoever you are and wherever you are, you are amazing, people love you and you are truly worthy of the life that God gave you.