The past few months have required some serious thinking.
All on different levels.
Procrastination is one of my worst downfalls along with the inability to say “No”. In the past two months I have had to try to be proactive and let a few things go. It has been hard…. and somewhat heartbreaking in cases.
I can be a very volatile and highly emotive individual in set circumstances and my life recently has been filled with so many of these that it has been a bit of a rollercoaster.
Unbeknownst to some of you I ended up spending quite a lot of the past few weeks with “He who shall not be named” – It gave me familiarity, I felt comfortable and life was simple. Also in this timeframe he told me he was leaving, going back to England – which wasn’t really a choice, more of a situation of circumstance where his second year visa had days before it expired and he could no longer stay. My experiences with him last year and even so more recently had actually made me a stronger person and I reconciled with the fact that i would not become so emotionally involved this time around and also that I would be calling the shots.
He at least owed me that much.
I cried. I may have even cried more than I thought I would. I put on a false persona to those around me and made out that I was a strong individual – I was borderline of being a Chuck Norris in training – Well, that’s what they thought.
I think I cried more at the idea of not having that familiarity there anymore rather than for him. I know my tears last time round were more for the person and the relationship that we had. This time it was just for me. I got the closure I so very well deserved and needed.
I’m now letting go. And moving on.
If I don’t then the only person who will ever be able to have a piece of my heart is myself, and last time I checked I wasnt that selfish.