A little bit of This "n" That


For years I have always been that person that says yes to everything.  I’ve always been that person that answers their phone as soon as it rings.
I’ve also been that person to automatically reply to your email or text message. I’ve also always been that person that will try to come to everything that you ask me to go too (except letter openings – I’ll leave those to some of the lovely Z List celebrities kicking around Perth).

However, I’ve also discovered that there just aren’t that many people around that take the time to do the same thing in return these days. As we get older we tend to look at prioritizing our lives for the better compared to what we did when we were younger. That was when there definitely was a FOMO before the term FOMO even existed. We were always keen to attempt to  please all the people all the time. So if they don’t do it, then why should I? I guess it was because I felt  obligated to more than anything.

Admittedly, I just don’t have the time or the energy anymore. I’ve realised saying no isn’t a bad thing. You can say No, and nothing else. You don’t have to give a back-up excuse as to why you don’t want to go out, why you didn’t reply automatically to a message, unless it’s a case of life or death then that and if it’s your mum should be the only time you need to be getting back to the person in question.

Rushing around trying to attend every invited event, answer every call and reply to every message can cause your brain to start to melt a little. Worrying about others opinions, dramas and issues WILL indefinitely bring you down.  Setting a high standard of expectations where you believe, just because you do it everyone else should do the same needs to be completely shelved.

In our attempt (well for some of us) to do all the aforementioned, we forget what the real questions here are – Are we happy? Probably not. Are we doing these things and running around after others and validating them because it pleases us? Again, probably not. Is the instant response really what everyone is looking for? Those who break down because you take a few hours to get back to them on a general message need to take some time also to look at what their priorities are.

Just let it out; Be straight-forward and honest with everyone that wants a piece of your time. There is only one of you and your own happiness is the key here.

Be Selfish. I’m really relishing this right now. I make time for those who make time for me. For those who respect that the paths I’m looking to choose are right for me, not for them. Those who the only time that they can really contribute or comment on what I am doing with my time, my career and other life choices should be if it directly affects them. These people will not get offended if I take some time, within reason to reply, because they too understand that our own time is precious and there is just the one of us to go around.

I’m putting this out there really as a note to let you know if I do take my time it’s probably because I’m taking time for myself first, which is the way that it should be.

#Calloutaperve


There are a lot of things I’m pretty fed up with lately, I’m sure I could run a huge list and many of you would probably agree. However, the worst of the lot is the self-entitlement I have recently come across from men who appear to think it’s O.K to grope a woman in a public space.

This happened to me numerous times in two different venues, just this weekend alone. Before you question what I was wearing I suggest you take a minute to think about that and then keep your mouth firmly shut. What a woman wears doesn’t act as an open invitation for anyone to think they have the right to touch someone else. (I actually can’t believe I had to write this here, but y’know there are some people, who just won’t get it.)

Yes, I was drinking which is normally what a majority of the population do when they go out to a bar on a weekend.  Yes, they were alcoholic beverages because I do like to have a drink. Not that it should make a difference anyway.

Too many men get away with a brush of a boob, a slap on the ass, or even a hefty handed grope. This is not attractive, it’s not flattering it’s downright disrespectful, patronizing and shameful behavior. I’m trying to work out what goes through these clowns heads to think this is even remotely acceptable. As a society we still have not progressed any further from this caveman attitude of “A woman belongs to a man, so therefore I can grab you and suddenly you will become mine.” We cannot blame this on booze either, the men that do believe this is acceptable behavior already have this ridiculous preconception set well within their ideals and unfortunately these are the very same men we will never be able to change.

For me however, I’ve had enough. I should not have to stand and lie that I’m in a relationship to have a man leave me alone, to fend off unwanted attention. I should not have to walk away and just laugh it off because you think it’s all a bit of fun and a joke. I will and I did humiliate these men and do it loud enough for anyone and everyone within the nearby vicinity where the assault, yes it is assault – you touch me without my consent can hear what is happening. I will call your sleazy, good for nothing ass out on it, and make an example of you.

Perhaps we should use the #Spellcheckaracist hashtag as an example and implement our own instead along the lines of #Calloutaperve


So, this was one of the online dating attempts.

He listed himself as 31, loved an adventure , had traveled a lot – looking for a relationship. Also he was pretty attractive . We’ve been talking for nearly two weeks (Apparently in the online dating world that falls into the same way as my gay friends discussing being in relationships – like OMG THAT’S FOREVER), and in that context I’m saying within two hours of chatting online he dropped me his number and we spoke ON THE PHONE EVERYDAY for the past two weeks. He was very smart, witty, and had a slight touch of arrogance of which I am unfortunately partial.  (I possibly think this is where I’m going wrong).

One thing I kind of listened to but never really paid attention about was he constantly talked about his house / houses/ holiday houses ( how many houses do you actually need. Also money talk, discussions of taste in certain things that really only someone yet again with a lot of cash would have and also him telling me he only flies Business Class. I know I said I didn’t pay attention , I did but honestly I wasn’t sure if he was trying to impress me or if this was just part of the arrogance.

I’ve had a friend from overseas staying with me from Monday until Thursday morning so I had put him off catching up – as you know “bros before hoes” and not because I have some serious body disfigurement that I hadn’t told him about. Until yesterday, we had mentioned something about possibly catching up on Thursday – however as no plans were made, I made alternative ones to see one of my closest friends and have baby hang outs, bake cakes and eat pizza. (I can be very normal at times). He then messaged me at 4pm asking what I was doing and if I wanted to go out. I told him that I had made plans already and technically he wasn’t part of those. For which he then messaged another three times trying to work out a way to still catch up. Then called me. I gave in. Keen as mustard he was. And I gave in. Which involved him telling me he would pick me up at 8.45 ,on the dot which I agreed I could do.

Well I could half do – I still ended up looking like I had been dragged through a hedge backwards, however as he had said let’s go to the casino for a few drinks gamble chat etc I was like OK , that’s alright I could be casual about this as I’ve basically spent the equivalent of two working days non-stop chatter with this guy.We got there and immediately went to the sports bar – beer was bought and the cricket was on (I like the cricket by the way, technically this should have gained me a few gold stars yes?) Chat got into different things talking about places to go for dinner food as you do. He then proceeded to tell me he was allergic to peanuts, and celery and carrots, and avocado and crustaceans , the list went on.

(Looking back I wish I had eaten a shit tonne of peanut M&M’s before I went out).

It was my round of drinks (I’m very liberated).
He orders Grey Goose and Redbull. $32 for two drinks.
THIRTY TWO FUCKING DOLLARS AND IT WASN’T EVEN A COCKTAIL.

But I still bought it. Then we decided to go for a gamble – and he walks straight to the posh room in the casino – I looked at him and was like “So how many body parts do I have to sell to gamble in here” he laughed as if I was joking – I was downright serious. I reckon I probably needed to cut off at least a leg including a thigh to get a good throw-down on the tables.We got free booze though. So that’s ok I guess.

After this we went off to get another drink and were having a chat when he started to ask more questions like “How long have you been single” Discussions about how I discovered one time I had been cheated on and that had never happened ever – he looked at me weird and asked if I had ever done that and I said no, why would you. If you‘re unhappy you finish it – you don’t go fishing somewhere else. Again another weird look, you know that kind of weird look when you’re telling them answer and you can see they actually have done that before .

I’m super honest I used to have this funny joke and it was a joke with my ex long term boyfriend (Not the cheater) that was he would ask me a question and I would jokingly say “ Do you want the truth or do you want me to tell you what you want to hear?” I always tell the truth to dudes, what’s the point in lying (Unless it’s about the $300 Shoes of Prey Heels you bought with the joint bank account) or telling them what they want to hear , because that too in itself doesn’t mean a thing if you constantly just tell that person what they want to hear to keep them happy . ( I know full on )

Anyway getting back on track he still remained a little off – but was said let’s go back to the tables and I needed to go to the ATM (I was losing cash like there was no tomorrow with my $5 chips) so he went to the bathroom I went to the ATM, then came back to find him at the chocolate wheel losing.

As we went to walk off from there I asked – “Ok ,where are we going now”
His reply “ Home”
At 10.30.
I came out on a Thursday night for a whole hour and a fucking half.
I said “Well that’s a bit ridiculous, an hour and a half, but fine.”
Then he replies “Actually No, I’m not going home I’m going to stay. You have to go”
Right.
Then he says “To be honest with you, I actually don’t see this ever going anywhere, so I’m going to stay here “
I looked at him “Actually I think you are right, I’m getting a cab”
And I left.

An hour after getting home I get a text.
“Life is good Michelle. You remember that ;)”

HE PUT A WINKY FACE.

Not a “Did you get home OK ? Or did the cab driver drop you in a gutter?”
I forgot to mention he dropped into conversation half way through the date he had been a Young Liberal and voted for Abbott.
See I should have learnt and been the person to leave at that point.
He shall now be named “Casino Wanker”

Dear Betts Shoes


Today I received an email from Betts Shoes of which in the subject line was the following :

Dear Michelle, Say “I Do” in the perfect pair of shoes.

I posted the below on their Facebook page.

Dear Betts Shoes.

I’m writing to you on here as I am unable to reply to your automated newsletter in email format that I just received. Primarily about how you really need to re-engage with your consumers, including working on your demographic when sending out Marketing emails that are clearly outlined for specific individuals in mind.

This brings us to basic PR 101 – “Know Your Target Market” Which I hate to tell you, but you failed. As a single woman, receiving and email where in the subject line it reads “Michelle Say “I Do’ in the perfect pair of shoes, I’m offended.

Your email marketing strategy presumes that everyone in your email list is getting married.

What if I were Gay ? You do know Betts Shoes, that under Australian Legislation Gay Marriage is Illegal, but then again you could send out an email about Glitter shoes and that might make me feel better.

What if my Partner had just died?  Tough luck so it seems from your end, and also I’d be pretty stuffed as your selection of all black shoes for the funeral just really doesn’t measure up anyway.

What if I just got divorced? Actually I’d either be celebrating or I’d burst into tears because the thought of marriage would just make me ugly cry (Actually you could then send the glitter shoes email to me as well).

What if I were single? This is not a What If? This is the case, I am single, I’m not in a relationship and I’m not getting married.

Do yourself a favour – get someone in who knows a little bit about marketing, and not isolating your key consumer base rather than someone who only knows a thing or two about shoes.

That or I could give you the response that I wanted to email back ;

Dear Betts Shoes “Go die in a Fire”

Regards Michelle.


I talk to my Mum every day, when I can. If I miss a day then we end up just having a longer conversation next time.  This week we chatted about our weekends, who we saw and what we did. Pretty standard really.

Once I had hung up the phone, I thought more deeply about the conversation I’d just had with her. My Mum had spent her weekend visiting friends who all have kids around my age.

Who all have their own kids.

The emphasis on other people’s children seemed to be the spotlight in the conversation, along with her telling me that another one of the girls is also looking at trying for a baby. Then the conversation extended to their fertility and how there was a clock ticking for this couple.

The pressure to get married and have children is ongoing.  You constantly feel that you need an answer to all questions about your personal life choices.  The buck doesn’t stop with family and friends either. Recently it has extended to advertisers pitching consumer based products and guilt shaming women about their own personal body clocks. That the choices we didn’t make in our 20’s are now reflective of us being old wrinklies staving the growth of the world population. Along with articles that preach out about women choosing not to go down these paths because their careers are more important.

A general  “I don’t want to have children” Or “I don’t want to get married” still doesn’t suffice to those who can’t seem to keep their noses out of other people’s business. These people are the ones ask you,  “But why don’t you want to get married?” “Why don’t you want to have children?”.  Anyone would think you’ve just bitten the head off a live chicken in front of them by the reaction then received.

Before asking these questions, one good option is to think before opening your mouth. What’s to say that the person you are having the discussion with hasn’t had a termination due to extenuating circumstances, or if in a couple they aren’t financially in a situation that they can foresee making these decisions , or infertility is a key part in why this doesn’t happen. That the response they have just given you is an easier answer than the potentially convoluted option, which would only result in making the  person asking the question feel ridiculously uncomfortable.

Recently while out with two girlfriends they began talking about babies. One has been married for just over 18 months and is currently trying to have children, and the other is in her second trimester of pregnancy.

They told me, “ You would make an amazing mother.” Very flattered that I clearly ooze responsibility and a maternal nature. I just smiled. Then out of nowhere my pregnant friend said, “What about your Mum?”

“What about my mum ?”  Is it part of our life journey to have babies to ensure our own parents fulfillment at becoming grandparents is achieved?

I for one wouldn’t get knocked up just so my parents could have a new plaything.

When did these answers become something that we need to justify to others?

To make matters worse, my life choices now also need to be backed up by my parents.

I feel for my mum, being one of the only ones among her circle of friends to have two single daughters in their thirties, both unmarried and childless. I know that she would make an outstanding Grandmother and at times I believe she would even be happy if either of us at this stage just came out and said that we were expecting.

But the thing I love most about my mum is that she wants us to be happy more than anything in the world and her acceptance of our lifestyle choices is what makes her a great woman.

 

The Guyaitus


Yes well.                                                                                                                                                                                hiatus

Here we go. A Guyaitus is a made up term that my lovely friend the wrybride came up with after we chatted about the fact I have decided to go on a Man Hiatus.

Actually my best friend and I have decided to go on this Man Hiatus together. No, this does not mean we are going to turn suddenly into lesbian lovers (Even though this was a question asked a few Friday Nights back whilst we were out followed closely by “If you end up scissoring can we watch? ” ).

Please be reminded before you start to add some witty comment and call me a “Man Hater,” I in actual fact do not hate men in the slightest.  I just need a break from the bullshit.

The “Guyaitus” has resulted to recently poor choices within the males species department that we both seem to continually make.

It’s not a one off, seriously IT’S THE SAME THING EVERYTIME.

EVERYTIME.

Douchecanoes in disguise as Prince Charmings.

The last one oozed the charm, I’m talking it fell out of him quicker than a mudslide in India, and more fool me I believed every single word of it. That player basically won the gold prize in playing and I the gold in “Most gullible idiot in the world”.

No call. No Text . No Nothing.  Absolutely nothing.  I’m guessing  he got the milk for free and decided it was too much hassle to hang on to the cow.

I admit I’m definitely not perfect, actually I can be a right bitch, but that’s a rarity. At least if I decide I don’t want to see you anymore I have the common courtesy to do it to your face in a public place . The reactions are always a surprise though the last one consisted of this:

Me: “So I can’t do this anymore”

Him: “ What, Stay out ? Do you want to go home?”

Me: “No. This, Us, whatever this is I can’t do this, I’ve had enough” .

Fair enough, Yes ?  Apparently not.

When questioned about what I was then off to do for the rest of the night I replied I wasn’t sure….

His reply “ Well, I’m going to sink a few more scotches and now that I’m out I may as well pick up”

Classy.

Who the fuck says that.  Boys. That’s who says that. Defensive boys who can’t handle the way of the grown ups.

You are probably thinking that my “Guyaitus” is based currently upon these two things, when in actual fact this has been an ongoing thing for around the past 18 months.

It’s actually trying and a little self destroying at times to think that the only men you find yourself with an interest in are the rather good looking ones who happened to have not received a self conscious when they were dropped upon the earth and their brains were wrongly inserted into the end of their dicks.

So for now the Guyaitus continues, until the option of not settling fades and the knight in shining armour rocks up.

A Nasty Affair.


I’m strong, confident , 31, single and I live alone.

I frequently go out socially into nightspots such as Northbridge, Mount Lawley , Leederville,  Subiaco and more.

I regularly catch cabs on my own, go out running through my neighbourhood which is extremely well lit on my own, and have been known to walk home from some nightspots on my own.

I’m always vigilant of my surroundings and constantly let my friends and people I know where I am headed. I never leave a night out without telling those around me that I’m going home.  I also let them know once I’ve gotten home that I’m there safely.

As a single woman, I am constantly preached to about security and safety. I’m not stupid and I’m aware of what can happen. The situation over the weekend involving the disappearance of Jill Meagher is a grim but also real event. This happens not only to well-known journalists, but also to everyday women.

No matter what you do you will, and I am being honestly frank about this always find in every city there is a display of potential threat to the wellbeing and safety of all women no matter how many precautions you take. You cannot say that one city is safer than the other,  the threat is always in our midst.

You may think I’m rambling a little and want me to get to the point. To get to that point I have to tell you  about what happened to me this weekend just passed.

I have lived in my current ground floor apartment for Four and a Half years.  Apart from the occasional meth head doing a bit of a wander by, which is always to be expected  when you choose to do the whole “Inner City Living” I have never felt unsafe or at risk in my own home. This changed on Saturday Night.

After catching up with friends, I made my way home early (8.30 to be precise) and decided a night in was required. I had a cigarette outside, came back in, closed my glass sliding door popped the lock , put my pyjamas on and wrapped myself in my duvet on my sofa. The inside light was on and I absent-mindly forget to pull my blinds down. I fell asleep.

At 12.30 I woke up, for no reason whatsoever and  just looked up to the back door. I thought I was having a nightmare. A man stood within a foot of the door, completely naked. Wearing some form of mask with only his eyes exposed and a Kangol Flat cap, he was furiously masturbating.  I was petrified.

I couldn’t scream, I tried to shout telling him I was going to call the Police. He spoke back “ I’ve been here for half an hour already, what’s the point. I’m going to get you”. He continued to keep going with his act whilst I tried to close the blind, grab my phone and lock myself in my bedroom.

I have no idea where he went. To get to my garden this lunatic had to find exactly where to go through a large car park and walk past SIX other ground floor apartments before getting to mine.

You may laugh and think, “Oh yeah, some crazy getting his kicks on by exposing himself Blah Blah Blah etc” . But he had locked his eyes with mine and threatened me, for all I knew he hadn’t run off but could have been hiding anywhere in the complex. Even worse, he could live there. I don’t know. There are 40 Apartments.

The police attended the scene and a report was made, I was questioned as to whether the individual appeared to be armed . I found it very specific and after asking more questions I then found out this was not the only time this had happened. In the past MONTH there had been several incidents reported, and the discussion was had that there may have been ones that weren’t reported.

I have seen nothing in the local press about any such incidents. Nothing has been issued out to any Media Outlets that I know about the incident on the weekend. I was told that this was being treated very seriously, because of the nature of the act along with the threat. The responsibility here should be that the Police Force should be creating an awareness within the community about this especially where a large population of  single women  live.

How do I have faith that this individual will be caught?

I don’t .

Also I now do not want to go out in the dark on my own anywhere, not even to take the rubbish out to the bins. Which is goddam ridiculous and nobody , whether you are male or female should have to continually question how safe it is do go about your normal daily routine.

This includes catching up with friends down the pub, at their houses  and so forth. I understand Jill Meagher’s intention of walking home was that she did it all the time and the route was known to her. That doesn’t mean it stops the stranger invading your route or following you home.

I’m not here to lecture anyone. I hate to think what could have happened if my door wasn’t locked, But it didn’t. These things happen. My confidence has been knocked and  I’m scared, BUT I will move forward and try to not let it eat me inside. I would make the worst recluse.

Do me a favour guys and girls, when your friends ask to walk you home say “Yes”, or share that cab.

Being vigilant doesn’t mean you have to change your lifestyle.

 

* For those of you that live in the West Perth / Leederville / North Perth  area or have friends please warn them.

Description* 5’10 Caucasian Male, Blue Eyes, Stocky / Medium Build – Slightly Hairy . No Identifying Tattoos. Could be bald Unsure due to him wearing a hat. Police have said that he may have stashed a backpack containing  Screwdriver / Flashlight, Tape  and his clothes somewhere nearby. If you hear or see this man Please contact the Police immediately.

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