2. Stop Smoking

3. Stop Drinking

4.  Become Financially stable

5. Stay away from undesirable male persons.

The List  could go on.  Also ignore the above list. I am.

Also before you continue and correct my disrespect for the English Language I know I made up Schmezolutions , Im hoping it catches on for Twenty One Two (HOW SICK OF THAT ARE YOU ALREADY FOR GODS SAKE!) .

So many people see the New Year as a time to wipe the slate clean, have a fresh start, Buck up their ideas and get their shit together, I think its grand they do that each to their own . But I refuse to.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not raining on your parade if you’re one of the New Year’s Resolution Hoarders, But how often do we make these resolutions and then never follow through.

I’ve seen it.

I’ve seen the unused hired out Gym Equipment in apartments that not even a fucking Gerbil should be living in, let alone a couple who feel the need to consume cardboard flavoured cereal with a side of stomach bacteria accomapanied by a decafe weak soy latte with a splash of wheat grass. These remain untouched and in reality only make for the creation of amusing Youtube clips of the cat  running on it at full speed.

I’ve also seen the now “Non-Smokers” sneak around the corner and say ” Go on don’t tell anyone” then expect you the person who made the RIGHT decision (Even if it was for the sanity of others around you)  to ‘Bum’ them a cigarette.

ALCOHOL. WINE. BEER. VODKA. SCOTCH and GIN, To name a few. The Devil in Disguise is always going to get you. Especially if your one of “those” people who go out for  a ‘Quiet’ drink and the next day find some hairy backed mammoth in your bed, bruises in unexplainable  regions on your person and a pool of what can only be described as LAST NIGHTS KEBAB or something similar on your bathroom floor. Maybe quitting isn’t for you, how about trying out the term Moderation before you practise the art of Quitting.

Saving money is a serious Art form . I am incapable of doing this. If you can do this I applaud you. If you are male and can do this , I double applaud you.  I also want your phone number ……

Last Point MALE DOUCHEBAGS . There are so many to choose from, I’ve been there and done that as you are all well aware and so many of my Girlfriends have, along with the Blokes who go out with the Female equivalant.

It’s always going to happen. You can’t make a resolution to avoid  rubbish members of the opposite sex.

You have to kiss a lot of Frogs to find a prince.

So there will be no New Year Resolutions from me this year.

Just More Blogging.

But he’s not.

He’s Mr Just About Right.

He was here and now he’s not. That what makes him Mr Just About Right.

Seriously Distance is a Fucker. Distance in Australia is a total Fucker.
Also I know he will read this as he kind of fumbled and found my blog then queried as to why he isn’t in it.
Just a little bit awkward turtle.

Ok Thats enough for today …

The idea behind it is to ask your friends family and those that you show concern for if they really “Are OK” and to prevent the onset of suicide when people havent the ability to reach out and ask for help.

I personally have never been in a situation where the thought of taking my own life has been the only answer to solve the demons that I’ve had. I’ve also had the benefit of my friends and family seeing that I haven’t been myself and have given me the support to see a professional which meant that the Depression and Anxiety that I was diagnosed with last year had a chance to be treated, But just because you are being treated or have had that help it still doesn’t make it disappear completely.

Suicide has occurred four times in my family where my relatives were struck down so badly with their mental health problems they couldn’t see any other way out and were unable to seek help, which is heartbreaking. Suicide is a selfish way to end your life, leaving behind those who are racked with guilt over what should have been and what might have been if they had known the signs.

“R U Ok” Day brings the topic to the forefront of discussion and creates an awareness that for one day of the year opens up our hearts and minds to the behaviorism of those around us.

Remember though, people experiencing these dark thoughts and hard times don’t just experience them on one day of the year. They battle with Mental Health everyday and constantly need to be asked if they are ok. Sometimes they may say “I am OK”, but at other times the answer they give you may be “No, I’m not.” Make sure by asking that you are willing to take on that answer and give the support that you have offered by mentioning those three words.

Just because a person appears to be a ray of light, it may also mean they might be hiding behind the dark.

Six months later I was turning Thirty thinking my world was ending and I was single.
Another six months on I’m still single, with a few hiccups in between (Actually they may have been bordeline of burps) BUT its ok.

The thing that isn’t ok is that the rest of my single friends seem to be dropping like flies.
Seriously, someone got a human version of Mortein (otherwise known as MAN) sprayed it around a bit and whacked a few of the coolest single chick friends I have smack bang around the head.

I may have been a contributing factor – Yes, if you have single chick friends you also have single bloke friends and inevitably they will meet each other and they will end up seeing each other.
But suddenly you end up having them grouped into the same classification as the other friends who are in relationships or are married or have kids. You end up only seeing them when they are together, this limits the conversations that you would normally have and also limits what you used to do.
No more hanging out down the pub checking out that cute dude’s butt when he walks past or having a good wingwoman to deal with “The Friend” whilst you talk to the one that is actually interesting. A Girl’s night becomes overshadowed with text messages and phonecalls to the significant other and the 4am’ers turn into “Shit its Twelve O’clock, I need to go home”.

Dont get me wrong, Im extremely happy for these ladies – more so for the fact that they deserve the happiness because of the shit they’ve been put through from previous dickheads who cant even be put into the classification of “Being a Man”.

But I go through a spate in time when I miss that. When I moved back from the UK, I had to rebuild my life get to know people again and start anew, those people then continued with the circle of life got married and started breeding, so I had to find more people to hang with, now that circle is beginning again and Im onto my third cycle.

Im trying to work out if its because Im super picky (Which to be honest, from recent experiences I really have dropped my game) or demand too much.
I like to think Im a pretty good catch, I can cook, clean, I like to watch a good game of Rugby, AFL and Football ( Soccer to those of you who are sport inept), I can handle a drink or two, Im well travelled, I have a rather ace job and the best bit …. Im a good spooner.

Then again I think I may just be having too much of a good time and the possibility of falling into that circle hasn’t been able to interject itself into my daily planner.

I know good things come to those who wait, for the meantime I’ll wait for it to come to me whilst I sip my red wine, don my Uggs and convert my verbal diarrhoea to this blog.

I seriously copped the Diarrhoea this week.

Lucky for me I have some pretty amazingly awesome Friends and Family who have been my rock . Also there have been people who haven’t even known me for very long but they too have been gunning for me as well.

This song is for them , and if you feel like it crank it.

Work Colleague 2: “Oh yeah, my girlfriend does as well, but she doesn’t really ever go out with them”

Me : “I have quite a few male friends, but I dont really go out with them anymore.”

Work Colleague 1 : ” Why’s that?”

Me : ” Because their wives don’t like me.”

All on different levels.

Procrastination is one of my worst downfalls along with the inability to say “No”. In the past two months I have had to try to be proactive and let a few things go. It has been hard…. and somewhat heartbreaking in cases.

I can be a very volatile and highly emotive individual in set circumstances and my life recently has been filled with so many  of these that it has been a bit of a rollercoaster.

Unbeknownst to some of you  I ended up spending quite a lot of the past few weeks with “He who shall not be named” – It gave me familiarity, I felt comfortable and life was simple. Also in this timeframe he told me he was leaving, going back to England – which wasn’t really a choice, more of a situation of circumstance where his second year visa  had days before it expired and he could no longer stay. My experiences with him last year and even so more recently had actually made me a stronger person  and I reconciled with the fact that i would not become so emotionally involved this time around  and also that I would be calling the shots.

He at least owed me that much.

I cried. I may have even cried more than I thought I would. I put on a false persona to those around me and made out that I was a strong individual – I was borderline of being a Chuck Norris in training  – Well, that’s what they thought.

I think I cried more at the idea of not having that familiarity there anymore rather than for him. I know my tears last time round were more for the person and the relationship that we had. This time it was just for me. I got the closure I so very well deserved and needed.

I’m now letting go. And moving on.

If I don’t then the only person who will ever be able to have a piece of my heart is myself, and last time I checked I wasnt that selfish.

I had two friends over last night  over for wine when we found out, the conversation went like this :

Me: “OH Elizabeth Taylor Died”

Friend 1 :  “Oh really? At least she will be with Michael Jackson now.”

Friend 1: “Talking about dead people, Isn’t Zsa Zsa Gabor dead too? “

Me : “No, She’s alive and …… well not kicking as she only has one leg”.

I read it and wept at the hardship and trauma that ensued this poor boy through his childhood and the after effects it had upon him when he became a grown man.

Under no circumstances whatsoever is bullying ever acceptable. many of us have experienced it at some point in our lives whether it be  at school, at home, in the workplace or in everyday situations. We need to do everything in our power to  point out that NOBODY deserves to be treated in this fashion.

Below is the Link for the article I’m talking about, I implore you to read it, comment on it and continue to follow  the future writings of Seb Sharp.

http://www.projectseb.com/?p=98

Remember whoever you are and wherever you are, you are amazing, people love you and you are truly worthy of the life that God gave you.

This past week I have found myself at   a point where I honestly do believe my head is about to explode.

The term “Mind-Fucking” should not be allowed in real life. It should be left back in the conversations that P-Diddy and Jonah Hill have in “Get Him to The Greek”.

 I don’t like how for some reason our relationships of the past seem to rear their nasty little heads up just when you think everything is going so well in your life . (Well, I may be slightly deluded here thinking everything is going well, but it’s the reassurance I have combined with my love of wine and cigarettes).

 Saturday Night I found myself confronted with “He who shall not be named”. I was totally unprepared, even though if I do say so myself I was looking a million bucks. ( I think the term we are looking for here was I had a little bit of RAWRRRRR! going on.)

His reaction to seeing me was an attempt to run away from what clearly was not going to be a pleasant discussion. I walked away and then decided that I had every right to stand up to him and give him a piece of my mind.

I marched right over there as quickly as my 5 inch Electric Blue Robert Roberts could take me.

 A piece of my mind at 8.15pm in the middle of a packed pub, involved me cursing at him telling him how much of a coward he was and why on earth had he not yet been deported. I honestly did not realise how possible it was for me to be so horrifically angry and nasty all in one go.

After this and me still having a bit of a psycho fit, the conversation turned into an adult conversation of two grown-ups trying to understand exactly what went wrong, and the backlash response of me launching a traumatic A-bomb of information on the man that reduced him into a blubbering crying mess.

At the time I was proud of my moment as I clearly wanted him to feel all the pain that he had made me feel, and then I realised it made me just as bad as him.

 After telling friends what happened, they didn’t really agree and the conclusion that they came to was “He deserved it”.

 The lack of communication when the break up occurred was the instigator for my mood along with the fact that he had disappeared to find himself , surely running away to another country isn’t going to solve your problems, and coming back to the country where you created the problems DEFINITELY isn’t going to solve anything.

 Seriously, Dude,  Australia is a big place – Don’t shit on your own doorstep and then rock back up to the same bloody city thinking that you will never have to deal with the crap that you created.

 All the apologies and crying and whatever else he wanted to give to me as an excuse on Saturday basically have made my brain go into melt down mode. The Glass Case of Emotion overtook me for the weekend and also over the past few days. The anxiety has been a little too much to deal with, but I’m having to build the bridge and get over it.

 Understand this though, I wont be taking him back, I just wanted him to hurt as much as what I did.

 I accomplished this.

 It doesn’t make me a bad person. In fact I did what most people wish they had done and never had the opportunity to do so.